Sleepy little girl

Light and Hope

Lenorah Hope Richardson decided to arrive on August the 10th.

She gave us quite a scare - and that is an understatement, as I still start to shake when I think of the events of the afternoon - but she is here safe and sound.

She tried to come naturally, but something stopped her. Everytime I had long intense contractions, her heart rate would drop drastically..... even off the grid for nearly 5 minutes.

Terror. Desperation. That is what I knew in those moments. And Brent's eyes. And prayer.

She stabilized. Then it happened again. She stabilized. Then it happened again.

Five minutes later, I was on the table receiving an emergency C-section. And the doctor says "No wonder!" And Brent goes away. And I hear a cry. Finally.

It ends up her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times. And when I would have a contraction and she would descend, it was choking her. Hence the "No wonder!"

But she is here. And she is wonderful and beautiful. And she has brought more light into our world. And she is everything we had hoped for.

Bitter and Sweet

"Life at best is bittersweet." ~Jack Kirby

I was not sure what today would bring. I approached it with no small amount of disquiet, as the combination of bitter and sweet and pregnancy hormones did not seem very promising for a successful work day. Today my heart was focused on one we lost a year ago today, one we never got to meet..... while also eagerly awaiting the one very soon to arrive. How to deal with such conflicting emotions?

The day was quite distracting, so that certainly helped.... and I know two people in particular were sending special prayers my way.... and I work with amazing people.... and I have a husband who is God-sent. Still, the distractions and the workload were not enough. During the time that I did have to reflect, I thought of all of the things we take for granted, the little miracles that happen everyday and thus seem so commonplace. Until, boom, something stops the miracle in its tracks.

And I don't want to take things for granted, especially this child of ours. Who knows what the future holds? Who knows how long we will have each other? Certainly not me. So, I need to cherish each day, as if there were no more days.

This is not a new life blueprint.....quotes abound about this topic, movies and songs too. But sometimes it takes the combination of bitter and sweet for it to really be understood.

So, I sit here, writing to no one, writing cathartically, with Baby Girl moving around, getting herself positioned for entry into this world, and I thank her for every movement, every painful twinge, every late night and early morning bathroom break, every stretch mark.... for I am so glad for the opportunity to be part of this little miracle.

Blessings

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." ~Eric Hoffer

I remember a song from one of my favorite movies, "White Christmas" - "When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep...." When I count my blessings of late, they just go on and on and on. And probably they always did, but maybe I just notice them more now? Perhaps an advantage of more years behind me, more perspective.... who knows....

Career, friends, money, spiritual, health/physical, gifts, family, etc.... Blessings abound in all of these areas. And it is so overwhelming. Who am I, who are we, to deserve such goodness? And the outpouring of love, gifts, thoughtfulness, time, travel, etc., from those in our lives is so very humbling. Who am I, who are we, to deserve such goodness?

My first instinct is to figure out how to repay it. But I'm learning about the beauty of love and generosity...... When we give it to others, it is not something that we expect back, but something that is given because it is right to do so and/or it is needed. Along with that, we are also learning that it is not something you have to instantly repay with something tangible, but rather something that you should vow to do everyday, a way of life.

A life of love and generosity. What could be better?

We are so excited for our little girl to arrive. And so happy that she is already surrounded by love and thoughtfulness. How lucky and blessed she is already.

stubborn little girl

So, we had another appointment to see Little Girl yesterday. But she wouldn't let us see her very well. No matter what the ultrasound tech tried to do, she wanted to stay curled up in a little ball, knee to nose. We did get another very clear picture confirming that we are indeed having a girl. And after much deep and uncomfortable poking and prodding, we were finally able to visualize all parts of the heart (unlike the last appointment), and her heart looks great.

So, as Little Girl continued to be uncooperative, the tech asked us who she gets this stubborn streak from. Brent and I said, simultaneously:
Me: "Me"
Brent: "Her"

The tech laughed, saying that most of the time couples try to pawn the stubborness off onto their spouse. But I'm not afraid to admit it.... and Brent isn't afraid to point the finger because we both know it is the truth ;-)

Nomenclature (noun): name, designation; the act or process or an instance of naming…

Many of you have been asking about names, and we wanted to make sure we fulfill your requests. So, here are our top names, in no particular order. All have some special meaning to us and are just very very beautiful.

Abilene (nickname “Abby”; named after our fondly remembered 12 hour drives through the flat nondescript infinite landscape of Texas)

Aoleon (unfortunately often mispronounced, but still a top contender; possible nickname “Leon”; Brent likes the tomboy-ish nicknames)

Rozaysha (more popularly spelled as “Rosacea”; we went back and forth between Rosacea and Edema, and finally decided upon the former)

Aluminum (this one has special family significance, just ask Susan [mother-in-law] or Brent; nickname “Al” or “Lumi”)

Chavalita (the name with the most profound meaning of them all, means "little girl" in Spanish. Very deep and profound. We are particularly proud of this name option.)

We don't know what the middle name will be, but it will probably start with the letter "i". Given the abundance of first name options beginning with "a", her initials are likely to be "A I R", which we think is absolutely fabulous. We can then encourage her to live by the Air Jordan slogans "I believe I can fly" and "Become legendary" in accordance with her initials. This will be great! How many children do you know that have their own slogans?!?

(As a side note, our #6 name choice, which could still make it back into the top 5, is the name "Facetious".)

We hope you love the names as much as we do!

Jess and Brent

the cat is out of the bag

So, it is harder and harder to keep it quiet, and we've decided to finally inform the masses. We had a wonderful appointment with our doctors yesterday, and were able to see clearly that we are the parents of a seemingly healthy and normal baby girl. We couldn't be more excited. Here is her close-up:

Listening

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."
--Epictetus

I can go days without talking - totally absorbed with work, husband out of town, lost phone.... add them together, and I am without words.

I can also talk too much - meeting up with old friends, interviewing for a job, nervous chatter,... leads to some verbal excess.

I can also go days without listening - again, absorbed with work, absorbed with self, pretending.

I don't think, though, that many have ever been accused of listening too much. I know I haven't. I want to do more of this, more listening - to others, to God. I am thankful for a career path that teaches me to listen, to truly listen, with my ears, my eyes, my heart... to give my time to those who just need an extra minute or so to make themselves understood. Loving where I am and what I am doing. Learning to listen.

NLC 2009 in Chicago

No description needed... the picture says it all...

We ran into some fellow UofAZ alumni!

The Aphasia Laboratory in Chicago

at the pier

The Water Park

The Fridriksson's

sure is good to be runnin' again

I have a little "flair" on my car - a Hilton Head Island magnet, a UGA magnet, and a 13.1 magnet of which I'm pretty proud. That is the distance of a half-marathon, and I ran one in Atlanta nearly 2 years ago with my friend Colby. I am proud b/c .... well, that half-mara nearly killed me.... and I did it as a plus-size gal.... scoring one for the big girls.

So, I'm driving along today, on the way back from Charleston, and I see a sticker on this woman's car. 52.4 it boasted. 52.4! Seriously!?! You ran a double marathon? You couldn't even stop at 1 full marathon? Or 1 and a half? You went for a double??? Crazy. My 13.1 lost a little of its luster as she passed me on the interstate.

But, it got me to thinking. I'm ready to train for another event. The dissertation experience was incredibly hard on my body. I mostly paid for it in pounds. And I'm ready to lose them. So, I'm putting it out there....
I am going to train for the Nashville Country Music Half-Marathon. It will be April 24th, 2010. No, I don't particularly like Nash-vegas. No, I'm not a country music fan. But, it has gotten good ratings and it gives me about 7 months to train.
Anyone want to join me???

http://nashville.competitor.com/register/

forgiveness

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
~ Lewis Smedes

Graduation Pics

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=21205&id=1583256152&l=df4f4f478f

Hilton Head Island, soon to be my home away from home

The week before graduation, Hilton Head was calling my name!!!! My wonderful husband rented out a condo for (part of) my graduation gift, and I spent an entire week there, with a collection of friends and family coming and going as they pleased. It was wonderful.

To see more lovely pictures, go to
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=20988&id=1583256152&l=0e60b897bb

After the dissertation defense

My wonderful prof threw a party for me after the oral defense of my dissertation. The defense was... well, it was rough. My work was laid out in front of all of us, and we picked it apart and discussed all of the mistakes and shortcomings for a couple of hours. I was so glad my best friend was there, b/c he helped me to see it through his perspective.
Mine - I sucked. This was horrible. They hated it.
His - They asked you questions, and you just kept answering girl. You knew studies, authors, etc. You rocked it.

The end result was a "Congratulations Dr. Richardson" from my wonderful committee. And then it was time for the gathering. Dr. Bothe's daughters picked out the decorations - fun red and black balloons, a UGA-themed cake, etc. So cute. Friends and family gathered to happily chat and eat. The evening ended with almost everyone gathered around the piano singing tunes from The Sound of Music. Perfect.




More pictures to come!

Afterglow

"Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.”

~Theodore Isaac Rubin

Be still my soul

Problems

“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” ~Theodore Isaac Rubin

So true - seemingly smooth waters make me nervous...I always expect problems, know they are just under the surface, and am never surprised by new events, turmoil, etc. That doesn't make it any less tiring, but it certainly is no longer surprising. And in those times, I go to this verse:

"Consider it pure joy my brothers [and sisters] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~James 1:2-4

I recently learned something new about this verse. I used to think you were supposed to consider it pure joy because of the problems, and WOW that's hard - how do you even do that?. But I missed a word - it never says "because" - the verse says "whenever" or "when" - When I face trials of many kinds, I'm to consider it pure joy, to count my blessings, during the trial. That I can do, believing that there is a purpose, believing in his promise in Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope a future"

He can't say no

I'm sitting here working at a friend's house. It is nice and quiet. Everyone is outside playing on this beautiful Independence Day. It sounds like their little boy (Drew) is the activity director, and everyone, including my husband, is following directions.

Brent walks in to check on me and to get our dog (Cash) some water. As the door opens, I hear the little boy say something about him coming back out and playing. Brent answers something to the effect of "I'll be right back out. Just don't throw that ball for a few minutes - Cash needs to rest but he can't say no to a ball. He'll chase it no matter how tired he is."

I don't know why, but that one phrase stuck to me. He can't say no if you are throwing a ball or a frisbee. He doesn't know how to say no.

Oh, how I wish I didn't know how to say "no" to God when he keeps throwing things my way - opportunities for witnessing, opportunities for growth, wisdom, etc. But unfortunately, I'm much too good at negating or resisting his will.
"No, I don't want to share your word with that person right now."
"No, I don't want to let someone else into my life - you may have sent them my way, but it is to hard to trust people and let them in"
"No, I don't want..."
"No, I..."

Praying for less no's. Praying that I'll do his will no matter how tired, how weary, how cynical. Praying, however odd it may seem, to be more like Cash in this regard.

Happy 4th of July!

May we remember today that freedom is not free
May we remember today that the liberties we take for granted were bought with hard work, sweat, and blood
May we remember today the vision of our founding fathers

In remembering, we will look around with new eyes
Appreciating those freedoms
Honoring those who fought for them
Thanking God for His blessings

The fool in me...

“I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”

~Theodore Isaac Rubin

Feeling very much like the fool in this description lately, trying to reconcile with these many aspects. And certainly feels like there is just not enough of me to go around, to please everyone...and in the end, I please no one. I don't know if this is part of transitioning...there is so much of it going on right now. The end of a HUGE chapter in my life, the beginning of another, moving, new job for husband, preparing to expand our family, etc. I am having a hard time living up to my own expectations, and have no doubts that I'm not living up to expectations of others.

So, going back to the basics. God, marriage, career, and let the other pieces fall where they may, all the while learning to not berate myself when I feel too much, talk too much, cry, etc. Embracing my fool.