"Life at best is bittersweet." ~Jack Kirby
I was not sure what today would bring. I approached it with no small amount of disquiet, as the combination of bitter and sweet and pregnancy hormones did not seem very promising for a successful work day. Today my heart was focused on one we lost a year ago today, one we never got to meet..... while also eagerly awaiting the one very soon to arrive. How to deal with such conflicting emotions?
The day was quite distracting, so that certainly helped.... and I know two people in particular were sending special prayers my way.... and I work with amazing people.... and I have a husband who is God-sent. Still, the distractions and the workload were not enough. During the time that I did have to reflect, I thought of all of the things we take for granted, the little miracles that happen everyday and thus seem so commonplace. Until, boom, something stops the miracle in its tracks.
And I don't want to take things for granted, especially this child of ours. Who knows what the future holds? Who knows how long we will have each other? Certainly not me. So, I need to cherish each day, as if there were no more days.
This is not a new life blueprint.....quotes abound about this topic, movies and songs too. But sometimes it takes the combination of bitter and sweet for it to really be understood.
So, I sit here, writing to no one, writing cathartically, with Baby Girl moving around, getting herself positioned for entry into this world, and I thank her for every movement, every painful twinge, every late night and early morning bathroom break, every stretch mark.... for I am so glad for the opportunity to be part of this little miracle.