phobia

I was driving the other day up Barber, and there was a train in the way. I took a little shortcut that I know cuts under the train and brings you back up to Barber on the other side. As I crossed under the bridge, the lady in the car coming in the other direction had stopped, and would not go under the bridge. Several cars were behind her, people were shouting at her and honking their horns, trying to get her to go, but she was frozen in fear.
I'm not sure what the name of that phobia is, but my heart went out to her. I said to myself - I can't imagine being so scared of something so seemingly inconsequential. I can't imagine how the thought of crossing under a bridge could be so debilitating.

And then self answered back and said - Oh yes you do.

You see, I have a similar phobia. I am so scared of failing at my dissertation that I feel frozen at times. I can't go forward, I can't go back, and doing neither makes me feel oh so small. And we all know the name of that phobia. It is called cowardice.

Why am I such a coward these days? I don't know. I've always tried new things, persevered...I've succeeded, I've failed...as Mondo Bongo says - "such is life". Why now?

I have no answers. I just have to keep fighting that fear in my gut, that block, and put one foot in front of the other until I reach the finish line.