Thursday, September 08, 2005

O PhD! Wherefore art...thee?

This second-go-around of grad school depends heavily on long-term vision, and I admit, I'm stretched to the limits. How many times, during moments of frustration and bewilderment, can I reassure myself "Just 3 or 4 more years to go - you can do it!", especially when the pressures and incredible workload don't even end there, but continue on through the tenure track and the publication pressures? I need a new self-encouragement phrase, that is for sure!

I distinctly remember my major prof, when I told him I wanted to pursue a doc with him, asking me if I was crazy. Like, certifiable, a nut job, whack-o. I assured him "yes, yes, at least that is what people tell me". He said that was good, because you have to be crazy to do something like this. I am JUST beginning to understand what he was talking about (and I'm getting crazier by the day :) Not only are the classes demanding, but I am also trying to do research "on the side" (whatever that means - it should be "in every spare moment") and teaching an undergraduate course. I feel like I'm constantly spinning around in circles, pursuing this thankless quest...why? Writing this has helped me to remember, because I must admit, I forget and often. The why is that I want to teach, I want to learn, I want to help, I want to develop better therapeutic methods. So, hence-to-forth (that was for you "Good Will Hunting" fans), I have to pay my dues, so here I am.

ANYWAY - nothing much going on in my world, except for school of course. I have been working out alot lately - my key to sanity - and am completely HOOKED on it (thank you Sarah!). I plan on running a 5K soon (my first trial run of competition) and hope to do a few more before I attempt a sprint or mini- Tri in the spring. I see friends and family when their "let me check my schedule" fits in with my "let me check my schedule". Napoleon and Cash are keeping me company (and driving me crazy at times!), though we all miss Brent terribly. The house is even groaning for him to come back - no wait, that's just the creaking sound it makes because its 100-years-old! My neighbor continues to allow Cash to stay in her beautiful (and fenced-in) back yard while I am at school, making life MUCH easier for me. Despite my aforementioned frustration and my ongoing bewilderment, I realize that I am, and will continue to be, blessed. Well, that's all for now I guess - I'll check in with you later. Love - Jess

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